Press hard, there are three copies
March 20, 2006
Like anything new (baseball seasons, for example), coaching relationships usually begin optimistically. I’m assuming here that both parties are engaged in coaching voluntarily (ie they aren’t hostages!) and that both people have at least a basic level of respect for the other.
If you think that’s enough, hold onto your seats. Or just take a look at where 50% of marriages end up despite the smiling wedding pictures.
As almost any consultant or professional can tell you, the devil is in the details of the scope. And scope is all about expectations. But in seemingly informal situations like coaching, people often fail to get crystal clear on expectations. This, as in all of professional life, can make for some pretty unpleasant surprises. You think you’re really doing the business as a coach, only to find out (through a formal feedback process, or Heaven forbid, through the grapevine) that you’re not measuring up to your colleague’s expectations. That can really take the wind out of your sails as a coach, especially when you are going above the call of duty (in your mind) to do this sort of thing in the first place. As Mr. Nezzer, a loveable zucchini of VeggieTales fame, would say, “I’m not feeling very appreciated around here.”
And it’s totally avoidable.
All you have to do is have a conversation early on in your work with your colleague. Talk together about when you’ve had positive relationships in the past. Talk about the nightmare situations (no need to name names, just get the facts out). Then agree to a few simple ground rules that will make life liveable for both of you. If you’re going to invest good hours of your professional life in trying to help this person excel, you may as well make sure it’s not driving either of you nuts!
Need a starting point? Think about how you will handle scheduling of meetings. Who will take initiative for getting things on the calendar? What’s your “cancellation policy” for each other? Think about homework and pre-work. When you agree to actions, what expectations do you have for completion by the appointed date?
You might ask, “Do we need to write this down like with a real client?” Well, it’s up to you of course. But if this work is any less “real” than other things you do in the firm, I’d suggest the two of you need to have a serious talk about how to re-focus your work on something important. This is your life you’re talking about. My personal opinion is that a short email following your meeting with a summary of your understanding will do just fine and will act as a reminder for both parties if (or when) you slip up.
Or you can trust your memory. Hope springs eternal!
Into the deep end
March 14, 2006
A couple of years ago, I got the crazy idea of wanting to compete in an Olympic distance triathlon. I had competed (I use that term loosely) in slightly shorter triathlons over the past ten years, but wanted to up the ante. The leg of the event that I most feared was the swim. I wasn’t worried about drowning – after all, I’ve passed a lifesaving course years ago – but I also didn’t want to come out of the water after 1.5K dead last.
I have a friend named Dave who is a very accomplished masters swimmer. (This means he’s one of the best old guys in the pool.) I decided to ask Dave to coach me on my stroke and training schedule so that come summer, I’d be ready to participate confidently and credibly.
I showed up to our local YMCA for my training session with Dave with all sorts of concerns and fears about the experience. Having played other sports, I know there are certain things people do and say that are dead giveaways that they are clueless about the sport. I didn’t know what those giveaways were in swimming, but I was pretty sure I’d inadvertently find at least one. Did I have the right gear? What sort of goggles, swimsuit, and equipment do real swimmers wear? Would I understand the terms that Dave used? Am I supposed to share one of those lanes with someone else and if so, how does that work? Though normally a confident person, I had all sorts of things running through my head besides the fact that I wanted to get better at swimming. And that was before I got out onto the deck with all of these ripped guys in Speedos.
It didn’t help that as I walked into the pool, I saw a guy literally chewing up the pool like a motor boat. When he stopped his set and pulled off his goggles, I realized it was Dave. Looking at his 6 foot plus frame, I realized that we weren’t in the same galaxy of swimming talent. But there I was, goggles in hand. There was nothing to do but jump in.
Dave asked me to hop in and swim a few lengths. I noticed with more than a little panic that he was grabbing a video camera as I hopped in. He’s going to film me? I thought. Not only do I have to embarrass myself in front of this human torpedo, but he’s going to make me watch it on film.
I needn’t have worried too much. Dave may be the most gracious person I know. He did film me. He did find some things for me to work on. But mostly, he told me that he could see real potential in my stroke and that with work, I’d be able to do respectably in the triathlon.
Then he suggested a workout plan. He said I needed to be in the pool three times a week swimming what looked to me like endless laps. My internal reaction was lightning quick: I wanted to get better, but this is going to mess with my life. I’m not sure I want to get better so much that I’m willing to change my schedule and workout plan that much.
Of course, Dave didn’t know what was going on in my head. And that’s the point. When we coach someone, we have to realize that we’re asking them to expose themselves – strengths and weaknesses – and to change long-held (and sometimes very cherished) habits. The process is uncomfortable and often disconcerting for the person being coached.
My swim lessons gave me a unique view on what it’s like to be coached and gave me a few basic principles for what I must do to help people get through those reactions. What learning experiences have you gleaned coaching lessons from?
Getting started on the right foot
March 8, 2006
Coaching is all about building constructive relationships with other high performers. It’s easy, especially if you already know the person, to skip a very important step when you begin to coach someone – or to coach them in a different way. If we just show up one day and say, “Hey, I’m going to coach you!” we shouldn’t be surprised if the response is underwhelming. We probably wouldn’t throw rose petals at most other people if they delivered that message to us either.
The fact is, this hesitance that people have about engaging in this sort of relationship often has less to do with us personally than it does with valid questions they need answered before they jump on the bandwagon. If we can answer those questions credibly, we have a good chance of getting off on the right foot. If not… well, let’s just say it may be a bit awkward for a while.
So what sorts of questions do high performers usually have in the back of their minds when they are asked into a coaching relationship? There’s no definitive list because each person is a bit different. But here are a few that come up a lot:
- How is this going to work?
- Whose agenda are we on – mine or yours?
- What makes you think you can help me?
- What is your agenda in doing this? What’s in it for you?
These questions may seem skeptical, but hey, most of us are skeptical creatures. And hard experience tells us that if we don’t anticipate and answer these questions, the chances of a really useful relationship drop like a rock.
What other questions do you think people ask before getting into a coaching relationship? Click comment and let us know!