The Real Deal
April 3, 2008
In my last post, I talked about the power of sincerity – authentic interest – (and the emptiness of faking it). A while back, I ran into a client who happened to know a long-time friend of mine. When I mentioned that I thought we had this friend in common, Gus (my client) gushed: “Dan is one of my heroes.”
I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t happen every day in my world.
I was curious what provoked this strong positive reaction. Gus proceeded to tell me this story:
I’ve known Dan for a long time, but recently lost touch with him because I was so buried at work. He left me several kind voicemails and I didn’t return one of them. I kept feeling more and more guilty about not calling him until I finally called. I started the conversation by falling on my sword, telling him how lousy I felt about not returning his calls and being an all-around lousy friend.
Dan interrupted me and said, “Gus, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked. I’m always glad to hear your voice.”
I’m lucky enough to count Dan as a friend. And anyone who knows him will tell you he was being 100% straight with Gus. That’s just Dan being Dan.
Here’s what makes that sort of sincerity so powerful: it cost Dan nothing and it won him Gus’ long-term loyalty and friendship. If and when Dan needs a favor from Gus, what are the chances he might get an audience?
Who are the Dan’s in your life? Have you thanked them recently?
And who are the people like Gus in your life? Who needs the free, yet priceless gift of sincere interest?
Dirty Word #15 – Sincerity
April 1, 2008
A lot of my team’s work has to do with shaping and growing top-notch relationships with crucial clients, staff members, and colleagues. That sounds simple, but it’s amazing how many ways it can go wrong.
Take a key client relationship: you’ve honestly taken it for granted until you suddenly realize they’re seriously looking at a competitor. Or a key staff member: you’ve assumed they would stay with your team forever until you hear through the grapevine that their resume is on the street. Or a key colleague: yes, you’ve worked on many projects together but you haven’t heard from her in a long time and start to realize that she’s more aligned with a rival than with you now.
In any of these situations, the natural human reaction is to leap into action, turning on the charm. You send a gift that client, take the staff member to a “mentoring” lunch, or drop the colleague a “hey, I was just thinking of you” call. Unfortunately, whenever we talk to the other parties in these cases, they say basically the same thing. “I don’t believe the gesture. I think the (supplier/employer/colleague) is just doing what they always do: looking out for themselves.”
Here’s the simple point: interest in others and their well-being simply cannot be faked. You can’t replace it with money or tokens. If you’re looking for loyalty and long-term relationship, you cannot buy it – it must be earned through consistent, credible attention.
I’ve been lucky enough to be around people who model this sort of sincerity. They are people who have that intangible quality that makes you happy to work with them. They get that little bit of extra energy and commitment from those around them. And the reason is simple: they sincerely, consistently care about the interests of those around them.
Who needs some sincerity from you today (and tomorrow and the next day)?