Better questions, better meetings
August 25, 2008
Have you ever wondered the secrets to getting more out of meetings (and really, who hasn’t wondered)? Yes, structured agendas matter. And clear outcomes and actions. But I think there’s more, something that’s a little more subtle.
Every now and then, I get to observe people having important business conversations. For as much as we do it, I wonder sometimes how skillful we are at it (myself included). Try this little exercise sometime today: while you’re in a meeting, simply keep track of how many questions are asked and who asks them. What you may find is that the meeting is actually like a ping pong match with statements and points of view flying over the net. People are focused on getting their points across more than on understanding the other parties and what they are really saying.
The end result? Usually, it’s frustration for at least one of the parties. “I don’t think he really gets what I mean.” “There’s no way she’s going to change her mind.” “Why should I even bother wasting my time trying to work with that person?”
Perhaps we would be better served by asking more questions – catching the ping pong ball and having a good look at it before hitting it back. Before dismissing this as a simple, mechanical fix (OK, I’ll just ask more questions!), think carefully about the sorts of questions that really create value.
Try this 
instead of this 
!
Here’s a simple example. You are coaching someone. They tell you about a scenario or something they are trying to implement. There’s a pregnant pause and you realize, I’m supposed to ask a question!
Here are a range of questions people might ask:
- Was it successful? (A below-average question in this case because it’s closed and forces only surface-level analysis.)
- How did it go? (A slightly better question because it’s open – but it still doesn’t provide you with any background information nor does it encourage reflection in the other person.)
- What happened? What went well? When you do it over, what will you do differently?
This last question string can create a lot of value: it starts with facts (what happened) on which you can base your own judgments. It focuses next on positive evaluation – often overlooked by “high achievers” who have been taught to think and act critically. And last, it looks forward for things to improve.
Most importantly, better questions help others learn, convey interest in them, and – as we all know – impress others much more than our brilliant answers. Ironically, asking a question can be more influential than making a point!
Dirty Word #18 – Mistakes
August 8, 2008
Nobody relishes making mistakes, but sometimes they can be good. In our strategy implementation work with clients, we often get involved coaching leaders on how to be more effective in their roles. Some time ago, I was working with a really smart client who was trying to improve her influence with her team by turning up her listening skills. Her people sometimes thought she had her mind made up already and tuned them out, especially when conversations got heated up. And as a pretty passionate person who values debate, that happened often.
During one of our regular meetings, she sheepishly told me about a blow-up she had had with one of her key team members. “We had a disagreement and both of us got pretty angry. I acted downright dismissive to this person and he was practically insubordinate to me.”
I could tell that my client felt like this was a major failure. I didn’t feel that way.
“This presents a great opportunity,” I said. “You can go back to your team member, own your part of the break-down, say you’re sorry, and tell him you’ll try to do better next time.”
“But it wasn’t all my fault. Am I supposed to just gloss over his part of the mess?”
“Of course not,” I answered. “He has to own his stuff too, but you’re the leader and leaders go first. I’ll bet if you own what you can honestly own from the situation, he’ll respond in kind.”
Not only did my client follow through on her decision, but she reported that the incident had actually strengthened her relationship with this key staff member. It just goes to show what John Gottman’s research on relationships has suggested – that mistakes are inevitable and that sincere efforts to repair damage are much more important than the mistakes themselves.
It’s worth thinking about – are there mistakes or conflicts facing you right now (with colleagues, clients, or key suppliers/partners) that are relationship-building opportunities in disguise? How can you capitalize on them?
It’s all about practices…
August 6, 2008
It happened again recently. I was meeting with a colleague and a client and got an uneasy feeling. We are supporting a key unit of the organization in creating and implementing a growth plan. We have helped the leaders clarify their priorities and direction. We have helped them identify key actions. They have even taken the first tentative, faltering steps of implementation (we all falter in the early steps – there’s nothing unusual about them!).
The uneasiness I feel is simple. I could tell from our conversation that the client thinks the difficult, creative part of the work is over and that the leaders should simply be able to implement the plan without much more support. This shows what I believe is a major fallacy of how people try to get things done:
The Planning-Doing Fallacy: Planning is the hard work. If done well, it will inevitably lead to results.
Of course planning is hard work. It’s just not the end of the hard work.
The corollary to this fallacy says that planning leads to results as long as your people are “good.” I wish it were this easy. In fact, it’s not. Many good people with good plans simply don’t get them done. The plans wind up on the shelf, dusty and in pristine condition for the next time the planning exercise comes around.
The missing ingredient? Practices! Practices are planned, repeated activities that promote visibility of the plan, accountability for results, and enthusiasm for progress. In our experience, very few people identify and implement practices on their own. Someone – a respected insider or a trusted outsider – almost always has to be consistently engaged with leaders for an extended period of time (think 6-12 months) for those practices to become habits and for those habits to yield results. Otherwise, get ready for another partially implemented plan…
We welcome you to share the best methods you have experienced for identifying and implementing practices. The more you share with the Noonday community, the more we will all gain from participating!