Changing the Dance
November 13, 2008
I heard a story once that caught my attention.
A man was walking down a city street when he was approached by a would-be mugger.
“Give me your wallet or I’ll stick you,” he said, flashing a blade.
Barely breaking stride, the man looked at the mugger and said, “What time is it?” The mugger was so caught off guard by the seemingly-out-of-context question that he paused for a few seconds, dumbfounded. And in those few seconds, the man had gained the crucial distance away from him to avoid the mugging.
I don’t know if the story is true, but it illustrates an interesting principle. In so much of our lives, we have fallen into established patterns in how we relate to others. Often we don’t like those patterns very much, but we feel stuck with them.
- A boss doesn’t listen to our ideas.
- Team members fail to take initiative, waiting for your direction.
- A client continually pushes the boundaries on scope.
While these behaviors look like they’re just the annoying actions of another person, they’re actually part of a dance we’re doing with them. Somehow, by what we’re doing or not doing, we’re part of the system. Muggings don’t happen without someone playing the part of mugger and someone playing the part of victim…
Do you want this 
or this? 
So, think about someone whose actions are bugging you right now. How can you change the dance? What unexpected change can you use to shift the dynamics?
And while you’re at it, why not share what you’ve tried to change the dance in your working relationships? What’s worked and where have you just stepped on toes?
If I could do it over…
November 7, 2008
Our team often works with leaders who have recently taken on critical leadership roles. I try to keep up with them after they have gotten firmly established and often ask them a simple question after they have been in their role for about a year:
If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?
Their responses are amazing in their consistency: all too often, they say,”I’d make sure I had the right team in place before I leaped into action.”
This never surprises me. It’s not even that surprising to these leaders – they know the now-conventional advice about getting the right people on the bus (thanks, Jim Collins!).
So why do so many smart, experienced leaders still end up learning this one the hard way? I wish I had the scientifically researched answer. But here are my experience-based hunches:
- People decisions are complicated
- People decisions are nuanced
- People decisions can be slow
- People decisions usually involve conflict and disappointment
For these (and probably other) reasons, most people just put up with what they have. But from the perspective of someone who often facilitates strategy development and implementation, I can tell you that getting the team right is job one for a leader. Otherwise, everything – the quality of the plan, your confidence in its implementation, your willingness to give responsibility to your team, and ultimately your own reputation in the organization – is at risk.
What’s your hunch about why so many leaders move slowly on the people front?